dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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