you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
a search helicopter?!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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