Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
