You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
