just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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