Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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