you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
