So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
