Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize