he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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