Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
