It's like God shit irony all over that family
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Houston, we have a squirter
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
