he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
