I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
