I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
