sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
