My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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