He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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