i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
