I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
