Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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