I just saw a hot homeless man
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
