If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
