ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If that was your dad, he is hot
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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