I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
is that a dick in a sweater?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
