My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
