Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
