He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
