I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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