he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
