I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her