My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof