I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You're like the curious george of whores
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
