I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again