so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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