Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
