new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
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It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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