Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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