Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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