Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
