"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
