She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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