am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
