the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
