Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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