Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
