The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
