I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
