my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
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You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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