We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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