he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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