Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How does it feel to date your dad?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
