You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
