Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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