Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
