i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
