An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
