After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
