OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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